The San Diego Bills? More like the San Diego Bull. Don’t be Buffaloed.
Is it true? Were the Buffalo Bills really stampeding toward San Diego, where silenced lambs are the wildest, most vicious animals, and we live in a home where the bicyclists roam?
Hell no they weren’t. Unless they’re shuffling off on Schwinns.
But New York replacement Governor Kathy Hochul, a Buffalo native — which figures, in that she obviously spent most of her life with her head in a snowdrift — believes otherwise.
As you may know, the Bills have been chumming for a new stadium, and captaining the fishing expedition has been Hochul, who once was handed a clue and fumbled it away.
So the great state of New York is giving the franchise $600 million in public funds, with owners Tim and Terry Pegula (net worth $6 billion) dropping $550 million into the kettle.
Up to this windfall, the Pegulas reportedly were threatening (or “bluffaloing” Hochul) to move their Bills to greener pastures unless the state kicked in the dough.
But San Diego? Our pastures lack green — as in folding green — and counterfeit won’t work.
Yet the easily leveraged governor, without knowing this is a city with alligator arms, insists San Diego was among those who reached out and contacted the Bills.
“I was aware that they were being reached out to by other cities that have had teams before,” she said. “That is real. Their (Bills) stadium was starting to crumble. Something had to happen, and if there wasn’t a decision done soon, they had definitely other options.
“Buffalo’s a very small market. It’s quite extraordinary they have a team at all, because there’s a lot more money to be had in cities like San Diego and others who would love to have a team.”
Guv, Guv, Guv. Sure you weren’t thinking of San Diego, Calabarzon, Philippines?
San Diego, California, spends money on scandals (101 Ash Street) and other expensive things that aren’t necessary, or pie-in-the-sky projects (Grand Central Station) that are going to fly like woolly mammoths, just to piss people off.
The NFL’s Judases left here for greed, to be certain, but primarily because of City Hall. The Ham & Eggers/stadium slum lords, failed miserably, incompetently, meekly.
Who “reached out” to Buffalo? Did Mayor Gloria take time out from ribbon-cutting and sampling Petco’s cuisine?
If the Pegulas wanted to come here, where would they play? Snapdragon, despite the rumors, never will be NFL-worthy. And the cost of building things in Buffalo might be a bit less pricey than San Diego.
Thank all that’s holy, we’re looking into building a new sports arena, which we need like another unpaved street. The city can’t afford the stupidly expensive NBA. Hockey? I’ve been hearing this would be a great NHL town for 50 years. I’m waiting.
NHL ain’t NFL, pally.
In any event, while Hochul obviously knows nothing of San Diego’s NFL experience and its fiscal ailments, it’s nice of her to keep us hopelessly in mind. …
Patriots guard Trent Brown has signed a new deal with a provision that he must keep his weight at or under 365 pounds. In other words, he’s retiring. …
A representative on the House Oversight Committee compares the allegations vs. the Washington Commanders to “The Godfather.” The evidence? No gun, but cannoli. …
During a speech, Jerry Jones mentioned his college roommate, Alexander Graham Bell, and Monica Lewinsky. He meant Monica Seles, but when a gutter is nearby, Jerry can’t keep his mind out of it. …
Cam “Paleolithic” Newton’s Law: “Now a woman for me is handling your own and knowing how to cater to a man’s needs.” Newton, history’s first misogynist, probably found his dates with a club. …
The NCAA will send $160 million to Division I conferences for participating in the men’s basketball Tournament. Women? Zero. Cam has to be thrilled. …
Baseball’s unwritten rules aren’t worth the paper they’re unwritten on. …
Why do the unwrittens always come into play when a team is getting Lizzie Bordened? …
Here’s a thought, though. Don’t get down by two hands full. Play better. …
How can’t you love new Padres starter Sean Manaea? He pitches as though he’s late to an IRS audit. …
You don’t pull a pitcher throwing a perfect game through seven. There’s an unwritten rule. …
Clayton Kershaw had thrown 80 pitches over seven perfect innings when he was pulled. They weren’t carrying his body off on one stretcher and his left arm on another. …
Kershaw, dialing the company blue line, says it was the right decision. Not buying it. Three chances he wanted out. As witty Bud Tucker would say: “Slim, none and fat.” …
The two most talked-about Masters golfers were named after four-legged creatures. Tiger and Scottie. …
Taylor-Made signed Scottie Scheffler to a contract 32 days before his Masters victory. Bargain. …
Cam Smith looks like somebody I stumbled over at a 1967 love-in. …
The 12th at Augusta, or Heartbreak Hotel, originally was designed by Torquemada, who wanted to hold the Spanish Inquisition there. …
I know, it’s sad when I have to be told the NBA regular season has ended. …
Adrian Wojnarowski, ESPN’s crack NBA insider, didn’t fire Frank Vogel. He just reported it was going to happen. He was doing his job. The Lakers were not. …
The problem with Frank is that he didn’t study geriatrics at Kentucky. …
LeBron says the Lakers’ 33-49 season wasn’t a failure. Maybe not. Maybe The Seniors played over their heads. …
Memo to NBA players who take a load off: Wilt Chamberlain averaged 48.5 minutes a game in 1961. Games are 48 minutes long. …
A fan tried to glue herself to the floor under the basket during the Timberwolves-Clippers play-in game. She received the first three-second violation of the season. …
No chance a trade is completed without a physical, so how did Ben Simmons pass his? …
The Padres’ stupid Swagg Chain of Fools may have died of loneliness at the end of last season, and hopefully the MLB coroner doesn’t have it exhumed. …
Need swag to wear Swagg. …
I’ll never get used to Cleveland Guardians. The nickname stinks. Besides, many people believe Cleveland’s original guardians didn’t do that good a job. …
NFL players were asked what they’d throw in a food fight. I’d say paella. What am I going to do with all this paella? …
Dick Vitale rings the cancer-free bell. We need to hang on to great American characters as long as we can. …
RIP, Jack Williams, friend and former colleague. The Thin Man could type. A terrific writer. The only blemish of his career was not bringing Rick Smith the Eastern League (track and field results) cards. Which Rick playfully never let him forget. …
A few weeks after Estelle Harris, George’s mom, died, Liz Sheridan, Seinfeld’s mom, passed. “How could anyone not like them?” RIP. …
I hear people speak of The Pandemic as though it’s in the past. If you think COVID is over, your head is in that snowdrift with the governor. …
Now we can’t even do the Fair right? Don Diego’s sombrero must be spinning like a Ferris wheel. …
This isn’t my first rodeo. But I’ve never been to one.
Sign up for U-T Sports daily newsletter
The latest Padres, Chargers and Aztecs headlines along with the other top San Diego sports stories every morning.
You may occasionally receive promotional content from the San Diego Union-Tribune.
Column: NFL teams hope not to regret what happens this week in Vegas
Column: Will a desperate GM roll dice, take QB in top 10 of draft?
Column: There is only one GOAT, and his name is Wooden
Column: NCAAs have made plenty of noise with all the bricks
Column: Dutcher’s seat is not hot ... and it shouldn’t be
Column: Padres messed up with Tatis, but Junior gets most of the blame
Column: History-maker Jared Sandberg relishes shot to guide Padres’ Triple-A club in El Paso
Nephew of Ryne Sandberg hit two homers on two pitches in one inning as a player, now in charge of Chihuahuas
Column: Stalled Padres offense still waiting for much-needed breakout
Team struggled to string together big hits, including Sunday vs. Dodgers
Column: Machado’s wizardry at third base deserves golden recognition
More debate needed between Padres star Manny Machado and perennial Gold Glove winner Nolan Arenado
Column: NIL was supposed to fix college sports, instead it’s become a pay-for-play free-for-all
‘It’s like the NBA,’ one coach said, ‘without the NBA salary cap’
Column: Sound of opportunity born from Dodgers, Padres switch rings true for Matt Beaty
When at-bats dwindled in L.A., Padres scooped up versatile defender, hitter
Column: Jurickson Profar’s ‘beautiful’ start for Padres continues against Reds
Huge play in field, two-run homer a half-inning later, fuel sweep over Cincinnati
Padres Daily: Moving on; Awesome Kim; Abrams’ bounce-back plays
2022 NFL Draft: Top 50 remaining prospects
Padres notes: Machado, Hosmer continue to carry Padres; Darvish might dodge cold
Minors: Blake Snell begins rehab; Weathers’ latest start; Waldron deals
Column: San Diego County pair among big winners in 2022 NFL Draft
How does Matt Araiza figure in calculus of 2022 NFL Draft?
2022 NFL Draft: Top Edge Rushers
Exercise rider at Keeneland dies after training accident
UConn guard Caroline Ducharme undergoes hip surgery
Van de Zandschulp upsets Ruud to reach BMW Open semifinals
Taylor vs Serrano at MSG is a main event for women’s boxing
Privacy Policy Terms of Service Sign Up For Our Newsletters